Well I can see you're waiting, but I don't care.

To fill this whole place up with gasoline, and blow the top off this whole damn thing! Four Year Strong are mint, listen to them.

This post is long over due. I've been told by 3 people I need to post something, as it's been far too long. In all honesty I've been avoiding it a little bit, I'm struggling to find things to say about the Vegan-ness. Not only have I been struggling to find things to say, but I haven't really had the energy to be bothered to write anything. It takes much more effort than you'd think writing in here, but I'm here today.

First things first, as I've already said I've been lacking energy. Unfortunately I can't pin point exactly one reason why, as with many things in life, it's down to many different factors. Basically, it's that time of year where everyone is a bit drained and miserable. There's also the fact that I've been consuming way less caffeine than normal, this is because coffee really does taste like crap made with soya. Unless of course, you go to Starbucks.. But quite honestly, who can afford to do that on a daily basis? One last reason I might be tired, could I'm afraid be due to what I'm eating or, what I'm not eating.

I could actually bitch and moan all night about the negative things, but I'm not going to do that as there are positive things that have come out of this. I do actually feel better over all, despite the tiredness and lack of motivation in general, I've actually felt better. Most people that know me know how often I get stomach aches and pains, but since getting rid of meat and dairy most of those pains have gone away. Definitely willing to sacrifice cheese and things if it means I don't have to suffer those stomach aches!

Vegan food is a bit odd to some extent. They mix some the strangest things, one thing that I've eaten is cauliflower and mushroom curry. Now I feel I should mention that I actually quite dislike both cauliflower and curry, so obviously I thought very little of this meal. But I've tried other curry as well, and I've actually come to realise the main problem I had with curry was the chicken. I know that sounds a bit strange, as I like chicken any other way.. there was just something about it in curry that was just nasty! So I've tried a lot of different foods that I wouldn't have normally, that's definitely a positive to come out of this. I feel I'm going to be more willing to try new things, it's so easy to just stick to what's normal and quite silly really. I've never realised how much I'm missing out on new experiences really. Ha ha ha, how cliché does that sound? Well I don't care!

There's another reason I've decided to come on here, I just read something on the internet that actually quite annoyed me. It was posted by a Vegan, who to be honest may have many valid opinions. But to be frank, it's getting a bit too much for me, I keep seeing all these people post ridiculously over the top opinions here there and fucking everywhere. I've heard it said before and I'm going to repeat it, how do these people not realise if they weren't so aggressive with what they were saying people might actually listen to something they had to say. I'm not just saying Vegans are the only people in the world with strong opinions, me of all people know that's not true. But they seem to get themselves into huge debates for no reason, and when people try and argue an opposite side the Vegans are being "attacked", it's really frustrating. Another example of this would be say.. religious people. I'm not going to open that tin, as I don't really want to get myself into trouble, and I don't have a problem with religious people, hey I'd even say I'm a bit.. religious. What I think I'm trying to say is, I think it's really great that these people believe so strongly in something, and they want to fight it's cause every minute of every day. But is it really so difficult to do it without offending someone else? And how oblivious do you have to be, to not realise that sometimes it is your fault. I'm not aiming this at anyone I actually know, it's just.. I read a lot of stuff on the net and I get really angry at the utter bollocks people come out with.

So that's my story today! It's been exactly three weeks now and I'm doing okay. I even think even when I go back to meat eating, I may do it in a healthier way. We all know that eating things in moderation has to be the healthiest option.

I'm going to try to not neglect this blog... but I doubt I will.

Week 3

Well.. Still going strong. Still alive, though I seem to be very tired a lot of the time. Still living. Feeling like I'm neglecting the blog.. Not that it matters. But I feel like I'm failing myself. All I have to say is I'm still alive!

Things are looking up, oh finally!

I've realise I only ever write on here when I'm feeling a bit moany. Which entirely defeats the point, well..sort of. So I've come on here to talk about my good mood. I'm in a good, happy, not hungry mood! Would you believe it. Man, I've been eating all sorts of awesome foods. I've been surprised at how tastey things actually are. Tofu is really actually quite nice, convinced it's because I'm so hungry but who cares. Vegan Chicken burgers are really tastey as well, they taste just like real chicken burgers. That's all I have to say really, in a rate mint mood. Despite the fact I've got an exam on Friday I'm not in the slightest bit ready for.

OH! I've had requests to mention people on here. Tonight I'm going to talk about the ridiculous questions you get asked while embarking on a Vegan Adventure. Most of the things are obvious questions, you know "what can ya eat doeee?" or "aren't you getting cravings for things like sweets, I'd find it really 'ard?" Well not really mate, just mainly chocolate. My favourite question though was from my mate Lucy, now Lucy is a bright one. Well, bright could be the wrong word.. She's very clever, however she lacks what we call "common sense". Point is Lucy asked the best question ever, "this might be a stupid question, but can you eat potatoes?" haha! Not even lying. And on that note, I think it's bed time.

Slightly drunken post.. oh dearrrr.

I ordered a "vegan starter pack" from the Vegan Society about a week a go, I got it just in time for the start of my quest. However I was utterly disappointed as, if I am to be Frank, who I am most certainly not but if I were, I would say, shite. Utter shite. It's a good job I already knew bits about nutrition and vitamins and those sorts of things. This "Starter pack" was full of reason why I should become a Vegan, now the average person who was going to order that already has reasons for wanting to be a Vegan, why the hell upset them by showing them out of date material about animal rights. I'm not ever going to say Animals shouldn't have rights, I'm not that much of a bastard. But for goodness sakes, they have far more rights than these bloody people are claiming. You tell me that it's cruel to milk a cow, I'm going to tell you to go and talk to an educated farmer or something. I'm bias I know, as one of my most favourite people is from a dairy farming family, and I've been told by her about these things. To be honest I trust her. I know that there are going to be things that maybe could be seen as "wrong" and I'll probably agree, but saying that it's cruelty to that extent.. it's just moronic. Now after that big rant there I'm thinking to myself "oh for goodness sakes why are you taking part in this, if you don't believe in it?", the answer is I'm not quite sure. But I'd like to think it's worth something. Anyway, my original point was that today I've received another "Vegan starter pack" this one was ordered by another friend of mine. And I have to say, it's brilliant. Much more useful than the one sent by the Vegan Society. It's telling me all sorts of helpful information which I'm quite happily reading through. I guess my point is, some Vegans are really useful. And some are far too busy cramming their opinions down my throat for me to appreciate what they have to say.

On another very unrelated note, while slightly related I suppose. I realise how my opinions make me a bad person today. A good friend was telling me some stories and I was just sat there and it made me realise that people who are more pathetic than me genuinely make me feel angry. It's sad, because I may not even know them and I'm getting angry because they are being pathetic. Really hoping I can let go of all my negativity towards people. Maybe start feeling sorry for people for digging themselves into holes and things, rather than getting angry for bringing it on themselves. It's pathetic of me really. Well, they do say you dislike the features other people have that you see in yourself.

I got given a piece of Vegan Chocolate today, it made my day. As well as being a bit... drunk. 
That's the update for today I think. I'm not going to even read through it and correct my mistakes.. it's far too much effort. I hope there aren't too many though!

Day 4

I'm hungry and irritable! And I really really want some chocolate, and I really really want my friends back. Having a really "feel sorry for self" kind of day, So what's knew? Nothing, I've just not had a tasty food day! Comes to something when having breakfast for cereal is the most exciting meal you have all day. Blaaah.

Day two.

Okay, so we're day two of the journey and already I'm missing things. Not the obvious things like bacon or anything like that. Silly things, like butter on my toast in the morning. Although in absolutely all honesty I'm in smoothie/fruit heaven, and there's something quite beautiful about watching folks faces whilst taking a sip of the lovely smoothie which looks ever so slightly like vomit! I always find things like that ridiculous, it's not them that's drinking it so what's the problem?! One thing I did notice today was whilst watching someone take a nibble out of their Aero chocolate bar I was mighty jealous! Mighty mighty jealous! There is a lot of chocolate that's suitable but seriously am I really going to pay £4 for that short pleasure? I don't think so. I'd rather suffer. One thing I am looking forward to is getting some Dr Pepper tomorrow, apparently that's Vegan friendly, I think I'll give it a go! Why give up on all the things I love. Coffee has been ruined for me, mum made me a coffee this morning and put some Soya milk in it.. It was disgusting. It didn't curdle or anything like that, it was just nasty tasting. Think I'm going to stick with black and sweet or none at all. Water seems to be treating me good anyway. haha

Conclusion? Day two of Veganism, it's not so bad. Could be worse! Not really sure how long I'll be able to keep it up. But we'll see.

Tomorrow it starts.

Went shopping with Dad today, honestly got shit loads of food. It's outrageous how much fruit I've managed to fit into one fruit bowl. Who knows how well I'll cope with this, but that's the point isn't it! Setting myself some sort of goal so I can actually achieve something and find out just how strong I am. Worried it's not going to last, and that I'm going to fail in the first day.. Honestly I'd like to think I have little more inner strength than that. I've been binging on my favourite meats and things today, possibly not a good thing as it means tomorrow I'm more likely to think to myself "Oh I really fancy a bacon Sammich", haha. As it happens that's what I'm going to have for tea, along with a cuppa coffee with the lovely milk! Man, I hate the Soya crap in my coffee, I'm going black I think. Black with lots of sugar! Get ready for a very hyper Jenny!

Anyway, I've found some of the oddest things are vegan friendly. Peanut butter, who'd have thought?! And some of the most ridiculous things they refuse to eat, flaming HONEY! Really?! Seriously! Maybe I'm just living in stupid world or something, but I really didn't expect that. I sense that I'm going to be eating some rather interesting meals as well as the boring old beans on toast. Everyone will see me with a lovely home made smoothie in one hand and in the other there will be carrot and celery sticks. I'll definitely be dipping too.

From tomorrow I think I'll be doing daily posts (well within reason).. Whinging about how hungry I am or about my cravings for meats and things!


Prepare for even more irritableness.

I never said that I didn't need you.

Figures for this to be accurate I can't just only write when I feel bad or.. when I'm actually eating dodgy. Else it's not a very good estimate of how I've "changed" or what ever. So I'm here writing again. Feels a bit silly but what the hell? Shall we just go for it? Been feeling a bit sicky/poorly/weird for a few days now. Not sure when it's going to stop.. I'm used to having a fairly dodge stomach by now but.. I dunno, it's not the same as usual. Just to make sure the point is there, I do in fact get unwell on a regular basis normally!!

I've not really been great for about a week. Been thinking about everything and it just makes things so much more difficult. Usually, I'm quite a happy kind of person. At least I'd like to think I am. We have a rule in our family, I'm not usually the best at sticking to it but hey! So what's the rule? "Always keep a stiff upper lip." Not the best philosophy to live by but I'm sure most people have some fairly flawed ways of living. More recently it's been harder to do that, the littlest things make me want to cry, it's like I cracked one day and ever since the small things get to me. That'd be fine but the bigger things get to me too. The bigger things are having too much of an affect on me at the moment too, honestly I think I'm just a moody and emotional blob!

MEH! I give it a week and I'll be back to my usual self again! Well, I should think not! I'll be having some right weird eating habbits. Apparently I have to eat properly for it to be "healthy", meaning I have to have three actual meals a day. I don't think I've done that for years! Although it should mean less snacking.. But then what do vegans even snack on? Bloody pickled onions and crackers?! I don't think I'm going to be doing that. So three meals a day does sound pretty sweet. Come to think of it, I should probably stop writing on here and find out what I can actually eat, else it's going to be a very hungry month or so!

Now, I'm going to stop using this place to whinge! It's not what it was created for.. Well it was a bit. But not to the extent I've been doing it. So I shall hush with the whinging and get on with.. everything else.

Moaning before it starts!

So I'm thinking that I should probably set a start date for this vegan thing, but if I'm completely honest.. I'm absolutely shitting it. Excuse the choice of words, but I've always prided myself on my honesty, so there will be no skipping around the subject I'm afraid. It's not the only reason I've put off setting a date. I've been researching vegan alternatives and seeing if much of what I already eat is vegan, no surprises really, very little of my diet is vegan! For goodness sakes even alcohol is difficult. I'm really starting to find serious respect for people that live their everyday like it! It's tiring just trying to find the correct food. But I'm not going to let this put me off, it's just not the way I am.

One of the main reasons I've come on here is to moan really. I figure it's fairly important as when I actually start eating differently people will be very ready to blame my anger and general sadness on the fact I'm "not eating properly". So it's quarter past two and I'm struggling to sleep, not only because I didn't get up until a ridiculous time today, but my head is just full of worry and anger and just general.. buzzing. More recently I've become more aware of a loss of a friend. It's not necessary important who this friend is, so we won't mention any names or anything. I'm not going to slag them off...actually that's a lie, I might. This friend let me down.. and quite honestly I've found myself getting attached to people a lot more recently and I'm thinking that it's largely to do with that. I know that friendship takes effort from two parts, so I know that it's partly my fault too. But "I promise I won't leave" seems like a pretty set in stone thing, you know? And that promise has been well and truly broken. Possibly along with my trust in general, I don't know. All I really know is I'm finding it hard to let go of this. If it was just a randomer it'd be easier, but we are too closely tied (is that the right phrase?), it's not like I can delete this person out of my life. To some extent I don't even want to. So this is what's upsetting me tonight/this morning.

Stressed. Why am I stressed? Now this one is my fault, there's no one else I can possibly throw the blame at for this one. Two words: University application. For people that have already done it, surely these words bring back some anxiety? Like the word's "driving test" for a driver? Anyway, the deadline is in.. ten days I think. And I feel like I've got none of it done. Now that's not actually the case. I have got some of the way through the process but my I am pooing myself. Got exams soon too, which I am 100% sure I'm going to absolutely fail. It's just what happens. You'd have thought after all the failing I've done in life I'd be used to it by now. Nope. Not one bit.

So the conclusion?

• I need to set a date for this vegan stuff. I'm thinking.. Monday the Tenth. Hopefully.
• Even whilst having a "stable diet", my moods are more than unstable. 
• I really need to get on with this application/revision/coursework.