Tuesday, 15 February 2011

I cannot let you inside my cell for fear i'll sink the ship and drag us both down.

I can't sleep. It's a common thing these days, it's pretty poor. Not exactly the healthiest soul at the moment, I'd love to blame that on the month of Veganism, but I think it's pure coincidence! Unlucky you narrow minded carnivores! haha

I had a miserable day today, not 100% why, but I did come to release I spend too much time being a good friend to a few people who possibly (in fact, I'm 98% sure.) wouldn't do the same for me. Surprisingly, the two people that seemed to actually be bothered I was upset today were people I wouldn't necessarily call my closest friends, maybe that means I need to have a closer look at those people I call buddies. Maybe it means I need to let go of a few things, I don't know. What I do know is, these two are golden.

During today I realised a lot of things actually. I genuinely spent about two hours listening to miserable songs and looking out of a window, I dunno why.. maybe I was hoping for enlightenment, I dunno. I guess I got something out of it though.

I've said it thousands of times before, but there's nothing more valuable than honesty, well I think so anyway. So what I really don't get, is how people can just mysteriously "forget" things, "forget" that the plans were made by them not me. And quite frankly, if you are going to bail on me.. at least be honest about it. You cowardly mother fucker. Don't expect me to keep chasing after you, and don't come back crying to me. How does that song go? "Every time you call for sympathy, make it worth my while and cry your eyes out." Maybe a little harsh, but honestly I cry and get laughed at, whereas some people do and they get their foolish friends running after them. I'm done with that.

Now I'm not saying this means I'm done with the people who are involved in these situations, I'm just done with being their door matt. Sometimes all I need is a shoulder, and I don't even get that. So why should I grace them with my presence any more. Simple as that really.

Not really much else to say, just hurting today.. For too many reasons. And too many "important" people don't know, which makes it hurt just a little bit more. Not worth the energy or the head aches.

Ahhh well, it'll be right in the morning won't it. It always is after all.

[edit {2AM, 24th February 2011}: I've reread this, and I've come to the conclusion that it possibly was a slight over-reaction on my part, it usually is. I was just hurting. Sounds like I was talking about one person in particular, I wasn't. I was angry at the world.]

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